BBC Four: How did you meet the Smith family?
Tasha Oldham: I grew up as a Mormon in Salt Lake and I was producing another documentary about the diverse lives of Mormon women. I wanted to include homosexuality within the faith because it wasn't something that was being discussed. I first wanted to meet Lesbian Mormons but that didn't work out because they kept leaving the Church. So I thought I'd interview a woman who had married a gay man and through various people I met Kim and her family. Kim and I bonded immediately and I started shooting with the family. It quickly became apparent that they needed their own story. They would overshadow any other women in this other film. I wanted to tell their story through the eyes of Kim and her decision to stay in the marriage.
BBC Four: And did Steve take any persuading about making the film?
Tasha Oldham: He was incredibly supportive and cooperative. He had a whole other story. We had hours and hours of footage of his story and it definitely could have taken us in a very different direction. But I wanted to keep the focus on Kim and her decision. His struggle with the Church and his homosexuality was a whole other film and not my agenda.
BBC Four: You said you grew up in the Mormon Church. Are you still a Mormon?
Tasha Oldham: I grew up in the church and strayed during my latter teenage years and early 20s but went back in my mid-20s. I felt it was missing in my life.
BBC Four: Did making the film make you re-evaluate your relationship with the Mormon Church in any way?
Tasha Oldham: It didn't really because I very much wanted it to be them telling their own story through these trials and tribulations. I didn't want it to be just my perspective on the Smith family. I don't feel that my testimony and relationship with the Church has changed all that much through making the film. I feel pretty affirmed in my faith. What it did change I think is my capacity for forgiveness and unconditional love. When I saw what Kim went through, I thought if she could forgive that then I can forgive much smaller things.
BBC Four: Did shooting become more difficult as Steve's health deteriorated?
Tasha Oldham: It did. I felt myself continually walking that fine line between being a great filmmaker and being a decent human being. It felt incredibly invasive at times. They never denied me anything. They never told me to turn off the camera; they never told me I couldn't film something. It was incredibly difficult as Steve's health deteriorated though. I think the most difficult time I ever had was right after his death and during the grief. I saw Kim at such a low, isolated, almost a kind of desperation which I'd never seen in her before. It did feel so invasive going in there with a camera. That scene where she's putting Steve's stuff away was by far the most difficult to film. I had to walk out of the room because I felt I was intruding on something so private and so intimate to her and Steve's relationship. I'm glad we didn't turn off the camera but at the time I felt like a horrible human being.
BBC Four: Has there been any official response to the film from the Church?
Tasha Oldham: There hasn't. The Church doesn't really respond in an official manner. I think they've realised over the years that by responding they're adding fuel to the fire. I was really quite unsure how the Church and its members would react to it but they've really, really surprised me. I've had nothing but positive response from members. They've really embraced this film and embraced the Smiths.
BBC Four: Were you at all surprised by the Church's reaction when the Smiths publicly came out about their situation?
Tasha Oldham: Not really. The Church has pretty clear guidelines about what is and what's not acceptable and adultery, whether it's in a hetero or homosexual relationship, is clearly an excommunicative offence. And Steve did commit adultery so why should his situation be any different than anyone else's? I think it probably surprised me that he wasn't excommunicated. I know many people who've been excommunicated for less. But they took into account that he was sick and the fact that he was going to die very soon. I think they realised it wasn't going to do any good because the whole point of excommunication in the Mormon Church is to cleanse the sins so you can be re-baptised and have a kind of re-birth. There wasn't time for him to go through that process so I think they felt that excommunication wouldn't do the job it was intended for.
BBC Four: Finally, how are Kim and the family now?
Tasha Oldham: They are doing remarkably well. Tony was recently married on Kim's birthday in February. Parker was actually discovered through the airing on PBS and he appeared in the new Bring it On sequel as a featured extra, so he had a blast coming to Hollywood and shooting that. Kim's health is remarkably well, knock on wood. They pretty much have the HIV in check but it's her diabetes that they are monitoring far more. And they loved the film and have had their own mini celebrity status in Utah. It was a huge concern for me. I wanted them to be happy with it.